Dear SAF

Sir Alex Ferguson,

I’m writing to you from half a world away on the day where Manchester United is about to lose the title. What? Something stupid might happen and QPR might hold City? Well, if that happens something less stupid might happen and Sunderland might hold United. So get off the crack pipe. I know you think you’re playing mind games, but i think mind games are overrated. Teams crumble not because some opposing manager taunts them, they crumble because they have insufficient mental fortitude and can’t deal with pressure. Or in Utd’s case, insufficient footballing skill.

It’s all your fault really. You’ve pampered us too much. An entire generation of Man Utd supporters have grown up with you, so we don’t really know how it feels to lose often. We’ve become so used to winning that when we end up in 2nd place on goal difference and 20 points ahead of third place, we think the world is going to end and the media hypes it like an empire just crumbled. You’re a victim of your own success.

I look at the table and just feel happy seeing Liverpool level with Fulham. They’re closer to Wolves than Utd. Seriously, we can have another 10 games where Utd loses all 10 and Pool wins all 10, and WE’D STILL BE AHEAD!

Anyway, why is everybody is so critical of Utd this season? As far as I’m concerned, they’ve done great. Losing the title on goal difference? Why not? That would be embarrassing for City more than Utd. Yea we crumbled like a Famous Amos cookie, but c’mon who’s surprised! Okay I am, but whatever I’m not going to cry over the crumbled cookie! No other team can finish in this position when half the team,especially key personnel, has been injured for long stretches throughout the season. Just imagine Kompany and Toure not playing for as long as Vidic has been injured. This season is proof positive that you are the best manager in the BPL, period. You’ve made an average team with no game-changing player push an all star team to the final day of the season.

Now wipe your tears, you’re not as perfect as that paragraph makes you seem. 37 games have been played but you screwed it up big time in 1 particular game. I’m not talking about the Shellacking at Old Trafford, i’m talking about the Surrender at the Etihad! You wasted 90 mins of my life, when I could have been sleeping or preparing for my next paper! A lineup which set out for a draw was always going to lose, especially when you play Park for the first time in months. That day, you surrendered the title and showed the state of your own mind. You were afraid, mindful that you were up against a team with superior players in every position and a vastly superior bank balance.

Of course, if something stupid does happen today and we win the title,I will write you another letter praising your mind games and tactical nous. Like how you purposely made the team crumble and let City back into it, just for kicks. *Snicker*


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